But I'll bet you guessed it! That's right...we have to GROCERY SHOP!
But if you're anything like me (heaven forbid!), you've probably noticed that in the last few years, grocery shopping etiquette has taken a trip through the back warehouse exit. Not only do shoppers seem stressed and worn in the mayonnaise aisle, they seem downright rude in the deli department while waiting for their orders of corned beef and bacon. And the occasional order of jo jo potatoes and fried chicken. Which I can't eat anymore.
So I have taken it upon myself as part of a fellow grocery shopper's duty to remind all three people who read this blog just HOW we should wheel our carts through the aisles - and what to do when you're in less than a chipper mood.
I have gleaned some 'Do's and Dont's For Grocery Shopping' from my recent experiences. The following stories are true. And I haven't changed any names to protect the innocent. Because I didn't stop long enough to ask them what they went by.
Let's begin with the negative: The Dont's
Upon entering a grocery store, DON'T stop at the grocery cart retrieval section to text on your phone or file your fingernails.
If you are in the aisle, and especially if it's crowded, and you see your long, lost Aunt Wanda...DON'T stop in the middle of the aisle to catch up. Unless you're in the ketchup aisle! Wahahaha!
But, seriously, DON'T. While you're enjoying your little chit chat, the rest of us can in no way get to the Bumble Bee tuna or the dill relish. It is really quite rude. So if you must talk, pull over in a less travelled spot.
If you just must take that cell phone call, PLEASE do us all a favor and keep it light. We really DON'T want to know about how your boyfriend cheated on you with your sister's neighbor and all the expletives you yelled at him when you found out. And we really DON'T need to know about your father's personal problems or any other gory details that are best left private. Hang up and shop!
If someone is in between you and the bulk popcorn, DON'T sigh heavily and roll your eyes to get them to move. Be a big boy or girl and say "Excuse me." Really. It works.
If you are wanting to grab a carton of Silk Almond Milk and someone is already at the refrigerator door getting theirs, DON'T hold the door under the pretense of being nice, only to dive in for your own once they turn around. Wait your turn. Honestly, you really will get your carton. Sheesh.
If you are wandering down an aisle with your unruly kids, first, get a book on child training. Then come back to the grocery store when they can learn to behave. But back to my point, if you are wandering down the aisle with your kids who obey worse than the family dog, go back home. DON'T bring those spawns of Ozzy Osbourne into the store. You're the parent. Train them to behave.
When in an aisle, DON'T leave your cart smack dab in the middle and then wander off to look for the product you want. Keep your cart with you at all times. Likewise, DON'T park it right in front of the yogurt and then walk off to find the least expensive butter. No, no, no!
This one is really important. MEN: If you are part of the dwindling species of GENTLEMEN out there, DON'T make us ladies think otherwise. DON'T cut a lady off to get to the okra and turnips. And really, DON'T try to cut her off in toilet paper aisle and say "It's a race! It's a race!". Because that's what happened to me recently. Let's just say the guy felt really stupid when he left aisle 18.
I use coupons. They save me a lot of money. But, please...DON'T get in the checkout line and argue with the cashier over your fifty cents of free groceries. Your coupon probably really is expired.
If someone is at the deli counter before you but the employee doesn't know that, DON'T let her help you before the other guy. Tell the truth and wait your turn!
And now for the positives: The Do's:
When going for the green onions at the same time as someone else, DO smile and move to the side so you can both partake.
When coming out of an aisle at the same time someone else is attempting to go into it, DO smile and make a joke about how we need horns and turn signals on the carts.
If you see an elderly person, DO wait for them to go by. It's called respect.
When loading up on the latest sale item, DO leave some for the next guy. How many boxes of Peanut Butter Panda Puffs can you realistically go through anyway?
When in the checkout lane at the bag-it-yourself store, DO move your cart to the proper spot so the next customer can move their cart to the other bagging lane with ease.
DO smile. Even if you're in a frenzied hurry. It makes the other shoppers relax a little and you'll feel less grumpy when it's all said and done.
DO help the person in the assisted motorized shopping carts get the items off the high shelves. Especially if it is an elderly man or woman. What's ten seconds of your time?
And finally, and most important, DO pray before you go. Not only for prices to stretch your budget, but for a good attitude and kind spirit.
And now that I've got you thinking about shopping, DO put the following items on your list so you can make:
Allergy Free Rice-a Roni
2 cups unconverted rice (I like brown or jasmine)
1 32oz container of chicken broth (such as Pacific)
1/2 - 1 cup (depending on how noodly you like it) gluten free spaghetti, broken in pieces (Ancient Harvest or Tinkyada)
Spices: Dill Weed, Basil, Oregano, Garlic
When you get home, put one teaspoon of each spice into a medium sauce pot. Add the rice and stir. Next add the broth - the entire container. Put on a lid, bring to a boil and then turn down to low to simmer. When about 3/4 of the liquid is still present, add the little broken pieces of spaghetti and give it a stir. Replace the lid and continue to simmer until all the liquid is absorbed.
Happy Grocery Shopping!